What is going through a divorce actually like?

To be completely honest, going through a divorce is incredibly challenging because the entire process becomes a rollercoaster of powerful emotions that you don’t have complete control of.

For me, there was a gradual feeling of inevitability that divorce was the only logical outcome that made sense for me, my partner and the kids. It was a rollercoaster of extreme emotions. Yes, it is horrible, sad and difficult to bear, then you accept the situation for what it is and try to be amicable, then fall back into feeling sad, assigning blame and getting angry about the situation all over again. It’s tough.


With children, it’s particularly difficult, you have to let them know what’s going on without giving them too much information because you know that they shouldn’t be involved in adult issues. You are trying to help them to understand that it’s not their fault, you have to try and keep them out of the recriminations that start flying around, but also not confuse them when everything is amicable and they think you’re going to get back together again, it’s a balancing act throughout and very difficult to manage.

The Process

During the process of the divorce, it’s about figuring out what is going to go into the petition, some will opt for separation, others choose adultery which they have to prove. If you’re divorcing someone based off behaviour then it becomes more political, as you must establish what to put in the petition and balance between satisfying the judge in indicating that you have enough evidence to be divorced, whilst not putting so much information in that the other person becomes defensive… but also wanting to put down every horrible thing that they have ever done in order to assign blame to the other person for the marriage not working out. It’s all a balancing act and you have to try and remain in control – much easier said than done.


When emotions get into the mix, the balance of controlling those emotions is not easy, sometimes it really is just incredibly sad. It’s also exhausting, there’s so much to think about, such as: where are you going to live? How much money are you going to have? Can you manage to go from two incomes down to one? What’s going to happen with the kids? Are there bills, debts and pensions that need altering now? There is just so much happening that it can become incredibly overwhelming because it is a life-altering event, overall it is really hard. I have a new appreciation for those that go through it on a daily basis because it is a constant rollercoaster of emotions.

If you require any assistance with your divorce, please get in touch today. We will empathise with you, we will support you, it’s what we do best.